Joke Masters
2017-03-06
<Religious joke>
THE GOLFING PREACHER
There was a preacher who was an ardent golfer.
One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing.
The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a dilemma as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him.
He called an assistant and said,
"I am sick and I cannot go to church today."
Then he packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite worried.
He went to the Lord and said,
"Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
The Lord nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said,
"Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
The Lord smiled.
"Think about it -- to whom can he tell?"
<Teacher & Student Joke 6>
Teacher told the class how to keep unfamiliar words,
“If you repeat a word eight or ten times, it will be yours for life.”
From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small boy's voice chanting,
"Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."
<Teacher & Student Joke 5>
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
<Office Joke>
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, sir,” the clerk replied.
“That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
<Teacher and student joke 4>
George Washington・・・
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, John, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
John: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
<Teacher and student joke 3>
H2O・・・
Teacher: "What is the chemical symbol of water, John?"
John: "It's HIJKLMNO, sir."
Teacher: "It is wrong."
John:"But, you said yesterday, 'The symbol of water is H to O.'"
<Husband and Wife Joke>
A wife asked her husband:
"What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humor!"
<In-flight Joke>
A mother and her son were in a plane.
The son made noises and ran around.
Finally the mother became very upset and said to the kid:
"Hey, why don't you go play outside?"
<Teacher and student joke 2>
Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
<Teacher and student joke 1>
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young students,
"Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."
From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting,
"Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."
These are the jokes introduced by the Joke Master in ICF Chiba Toastmasters Meetings.
THE GOLFING PREACHER
There was a preacher who was an ardent golfer.
One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing.
The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a dilemma as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him.
He called an assistant and said,
"I am sick and I cannot go to church today."
Then he packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite worried.
He went to the Lord and said,
"Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
The Lord nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said,
"Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
The Lord smiled.
"Think about it -- to whom can he tell?"
<Teacher & Student Joke 6>
Teacher told the class how to keep unfamiliar words,
“If you repeat a word eight or ten times, it will be yours for life.”
From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small boy's voice chanting,
"Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."
<Teacher & Student Joke 5>
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
<Office Joke>
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, sir,” the clerk replied.
“That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
<Teacher and student joke 4>
George Washington・・・
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, John, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
John: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
<Teacher and student joke 3>
H2O・・・
Teacher: "What is the chemical symbol of water, John?"
John: "It's HIJKLMNO, sir."
Teacher: "It is wrong."
John:"But, you said yesterday, 'The symbol of water is H to O.'"
<Husband and Wife Joke>
A wife asked her husband:
"What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humor!"
<In-flight Joke>
A mother and her son were in a plane.
The son made noises and ran around.
Finally the mother became very upset and said to the kid:
"Hey, why don't you go play outside?"
<Teacher and student joke 2>
Pupil: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
<Teacher and student joke 1>
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young students,
"Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."
From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting,
"Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."
These are the jokes introduced by the Joke Master in ICF Chiba Toastmasters Meetings.